There are many things to worry about nowadays.
- Global warming.
- Bird flu.
- The question of what happened to 'outer space', which in recent years has become just 'space', suggesting that somewhere along the line we have lost a bit of space.
- The knowledge that one day in the future I may have to explain to my as yet unborn children the fact that once upon a time, in hotel bedrooms, they had radios that were built into the headboards of the beds. Yeah, I know. Isn't it.
The typical Eclectic Boogaloo reader.
Clearly all worrying aspects. But those issues don't alarm me quite as much as the sudden scarceness of band names in the southeast of England. In fact, the situation has become so bad that Kent & Southern Popnames, one of the biggest band name providers in that region, has issued a Band Name Ban, meaning that no new bands can be formed over the summer. Unless, of course, they want to form a band with no name (sadly, the company has closed the loophole whereby aspiring popsters could call their band 'The Band With No Name').
What all this baffling nonsense is leading up to is the annunciation of a new service being offered by Eclectic Boogaloo. In short, I have a few band names lying around the house and am offering them up in a sort of 'one-stop band name emporium'. Sort of. Emporium. I felt I had to do something. It's free, of course.
I'm that kind of guy.
No, not that kind of guy.
HOW IT WORKS
Basically, if you are thinking of starting a band, or are in a band which is nameless, simply use your ocular function to scan the next 10cms or so of the internet browser page at which you are currently pointing your face.
By doing this your ocules will identify a certain amount of text and the parts of your brain which deal with using visual information in a creative fashion, or something, may alight on a word or phrase which leads said brain to think "Actually, that would be a GREAT band name. Thank Christ for my eyes, brain, computer browser, the internet and last but not least, the sometimes-very-slightly-funny-but-more-often-than-not-frankly-baffling Eclectic Boogaloo."
Simple enough an explanation for you? If so - I'm completely psyched.
Needless to say, all the names below are gold-plated certs that will have you riding down pop's lost dual carriageway in the back seat of an Austin Princess Vanden Plas, snorting Ricicles off a hooker's elbow, and avoiding dying tragically in a four-car pile-up because your driver took his or her eye off the road and ended up totalling the limousine of pop greatness on the roundabout of broken dreams. So read on and, possibly, weep.
I have included a few photos to illustrate possible 'looks'.
HELP YOURSELF TO A FREE BAND NAME
The Electric Light Orchestral Manouevres In The Darkness
(David) Icke & Tine Turner
Flat Death Blaze & The Chip Pans
The Clash (Of Badly Steered Shopping Trolleys)
98p and the Stores
The The The
The Band With No Name (Technically Not True)
The Band (Not That One)
Huey Lewis and the Newspapers
Lewis Huey and the Local Newspapers
Louie Hewis and the Early Evening News
Convenience and the Meals
Please Remember Us. Please.
Mechanically Recovered Meat Loaf
Random Dream Person
The Human Champions League
Pickled Onion Monster Munch
Dutch for Twat
Lambert, Butler, Benson and Hedges
The Newer Seekers
The Smiths But Not From Manchester
The Average Whine Band
The Jimi Hendrixesque Experience
Johnny Quite Likes Jazz
This is Getting Silly
No, that wasn't a band name, this really is getting silly
Neither Was That, I Really Mean It.
I've stopped now.
There we go. Rock/pop music can sleep easily for a few more weeks. Here are some suggested looks. They would go well with (top row, l-r) Please Remember Us. Please; Sparkling Rosé; Dutch for Twat. (Back row, l-r) Goldfrappuccino; The The The; Tentatively Funkathon.