How are you? Really? Christ on a Minimoto.
Anyway, getting away - a long way, given your condition - from your problems for one second, if you can bear it, here are a few things. Firstly, 10 'fun' weekend facts.
1. Brass Roots is officially the world's most popular name for brass bands who want to hint, slyly, that they are quite literally bonkers and not whey-craving, balloon-faced simpletons, like the majority of their peers.
2. Naming your new teashop The Copper Kettle is no longer legal in Rutland. The idea is to preserve dwindling quantities of the letter 'p'. Also, when was the last time you saw an actual copper kettle? The whole phenomenon is a disgrace. Irie.
3. There is a small town in the North-East of Scotland called Keith. It is entering into a twinning agreement with a hamlet in Kent called Phillip.
4. It is illegal for adults to play the recorder in some parts of Wales. This is not a euphemism.
5. Euphemisms are no longer allowed to be employed by those 'residing in Douglas' on the Isle of Man. This is a euphemism.
6. Havering Council in the south-east of England constantly battles procrastination.
7. BBC Radio 4 is seriously considering replacing UK Theme (the patriotic montage of British folk tunes and orchestral pieces that kicks off each day's programmes) with There's Somethin 'Bout You Baby I Like by Mesozoic-era champions of stonewashed denim, Status Quo.
8. Mildly ironically, it would be preferable if Radio 4 stuck with the status quo.
9. My arithmetic could be better.